Bali Today – Ubud, July 26, 2025
By Fabio Agung
In a world of instant texts, slow replies can feel romantic. They’re not. Especially when those replies are calculated, vague, and just enough to keep you hanging on. Welcome to breadcrumbing—a common dating red flag, and one that’s alarmingly familiar to many digital nomads living in Bali.
You meet someone on a Canggu beach walk. They flood you with compliments, texts, energy. You feel seen. But a few weeks in, that attention dims. Suddenly they’re “busy.” Your calls go unanswered. And yet, right when you’re about to move on—ping—a sweet message drops in: “Thinking of you.” Sound familiar?
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and retired professor of psychology, breadcrumbing is a subtle emotional manipulation:
“It’s the gradual adjustment to getting less and less in a relationship and still making the relationship work,” she explains in one of her widely watched videos.
“The dazzle of the lovebomb is gone. You begin to downplay your own needs just to get crumbs of attention.”
This isn’t love. It’s a slow erosion of self-worth.
What Makes Breadcrumbing Dangerous?
The manipulation is rarely overt. Instead, it plays on your hope—the hope that the caring person you met in the beginning will come back, if only you work harder, stay patient, become “less needy.”
But that version of them? It wasn’t real.
Symptoms of breadcrumbing, according to the Cleveland Clinic, include confusion, anxiety, loneliness, and even self-doubt. In our hyper-social world, many mistake these dynamics for the “modern dating norm.” In reality, they’re emotional quicksand—especially in expat bubbles where attachment can form fast, and clarity is often delayed by the tropical haze of freedom.
Bali-Specific Warning Signs
In a place like Bali, where so many come to “find themselves,” breadcrumbing often hides behind spiritual lingo and pseudo-conscious vibes. Watch out for these phrases:
“I’m just focusing on my healing right now.”
“Let’s flow, not force anything.”
“You’re amazing, I’m just not ready.”
Translation? They want your attention without offering commitment. You’re not in a conscious relationship—you’re an emotional placeholder.
Dr. Ramani’s Take: Stop Romanticizing Self-Abandonment
“Breadcrumbing is not love—it’s manipulation to fill a void,” Dr. Ramani reminds us.
“There’s nothing noble about abandoning your needs to meet someone else’s emotional shortfall.”
Let that sink in. Many of us—especially those living abroad, untethered—are more vulnerable to these patterns. We crave connection. But connection at the cost of your self-worth is never sacred. It’s survival dressed up as intimacy.
How to Break the Cycle
Recognize the pattern: Sudden drops in affection, inconsistent contact, vague excuses.
Re-center your reality: Their behavior is not a reflection of your value.
Set standards, not ultimatums: You deserve clarity, not confusion.
Seek grounded support: Whether it’s friends, therapy, or self-reflection—don’t isolate yourself.
Bali may offer the illusion of escape, but patterns follow us across oceans. Healing isn’t about running away. It’s about recognizing the games people play, and choosing not to participate.
🎥 Watch Dr. Ramani’s Full Breakdown on Breadcrumbing
